Hello hello -
Long time no contact whatsoever but I am guessing that if you’re reading this you can probably infer as to why that may be. I’m writing to you from sunny and hot LA and since I last spoke to you I have become a mother. I’m knee deep in a season of life that I already feel nostalgic for, as though I’m looking back at it as it’s unfolding. It’s been a crazy 7.5 weeks but mostly crazy in that it hasn’t really felt crazy at all. Kevin and I are adjusting with a lot of joy and ease and we keep receiving little gifts from the universe that imply we were always supposed to do this, that our baby was right on time, that every little decision led us to this exact spot.
The story was recounted by Kevin already but in case you missed it, our son came 2 weeks early. When we found out I was pregnant we knew the timing would be tricky with Kevin’s planned Little Wide Open album cycle. After some shuffling we decided we felt good having Kevin tour up to my 38th week, coming home right around then and waiting out the big day. Once that time started to creep up on us, though, we both got nervous. It seemed impossible I’d make it all the way to 40 weeks as my belly grew massive and my every move became sluggish and labored. Alas, we kept the faith, Kevin flew to Europe, played some great shows, every time I called him he answered with a panicked “IS EVERYTHING OKAY?”, flew home, landed at 6 pm and at 2 am my water broke. Our son waited for his dad to get home and not one day more.
The process of birth was surreal and is now a bit blurry. In a way it feels like it was easy and then when I tell people all the details they react in a way that makes me wonder if it was. I didn’t labor for long, I pushed for 3 hours, our little guy didn’t budge and once I developed a fever I ended up delivering him via C-section. It felt like we were making slow progress and then suddenly when we pivoted our plan he was out in 15 minutes. Kevin and I held hands and chatted nervously behind a big drape while the doctors worked on me and then suddenly we heard him cry and we cried with him. It will be one of the most important scenes in the movie of my life forever.
Every day since the first day has been a little bit easier, a little bit clearer, made a little bit more sense. Early parenthood is a crazy identity shift and it feels like the gulf between who you were before and who you are now gets a little bit smaller as time passes but will always be there. When we brought him home from the hospital I felt more overwhelmed than I’ve ever felt. We’ve had so much support from our families and friends but nothing prepares you for what it all actually feels like. I keep joking that the universe delivered us the exact kid we were supposed to have. He’s calm like I was, with his dad’s eyes.
That’s about all I have to share. I just wanted to poke my head out of my little baby bubble to say hello. I’ve been writing a lot which has shocked me. My little baby lays on my chest or next to me in his bassinet, listens to me sing the same line over and over and doesn’t seem to mind. I’ve been joking that he’s a little bit of a good luck charm. My whole pregnancy I struggled to write anything I was excited about. One week after giving birth I was back at it with a vengeance. You never know, I guess! The creative process is finicky and unpredictable.
Snocaps is playing Yeehaw and if it isn’t already sold out you can get your tickets here. I’m also appearing at an event at the Grammy Museum in LA in conversation with Kevin in a few weeks! Tickets for that are here. I’ve got a few other little things coming down the pipeline, keep an eye out. I’ll try not to take months to write to you again.
XO
KC
