typical girls are looking for something
Hello and good morning from cloudy Los Angeles, my sometimes home and current retreat from tour. I just discovered an olive tree in the backyard and I can’t wait until the next time I need to mend fences with someone in my life. I’ll clip off the perfect peace offering.
The leg of tour we just finished was a glorious and exacting little hodge-podge of events. We got to do some shows with Brennan Wedl and Foxwarren, opened for Lord Huron at MSG and Merriweather and finished it all up with my 5th KEXP session. I’m currently in the awkward phase of transitioning from fast-paced to slow-paced, attempting to “rest” but really just pacing the house looking for errands and chores to do, people to call, uncomfortable with an open schedule but too tired to make any plans.
Something I’ve been noticing is that I’ve been having so much fun dressing for stage this year compared to last. I love self-styling and I long held the belief that doing so was a part of my job description, and also just cooler than the alternative. I’d see my peers hire stylists and feel perplexed but of course, like many strong opinions I held when I was younger, I’ve softened out my sharp edges around the whole issue. I hired my dear friend from KC Emily Emke-Hayes to style the Plains and Saint Cloud tours, in fact, which was a really cool, creative, collaborative (I love alliteration) experience. My friends Stella Cook and Tara Raghuveer and of course my sister Allison all act as a committee and weigh in any time I have to make big fashion decisions. My bassist and dear friend Eliana Athayde is constantly summoned to assess stage looks before we go on. It always takes a village. All that to say - I’m back to technically doing it on my own and while I enjoyed putting together a basic uniform for stage last year, I am throwing out the rules of my own making and going buck wild in 2025. I’m really having fun with it.
I used to ask Claire to send me photos from the shows, so I could appraise how the fits were fitting. I found it to be a joyless and ultimately unhelpful practice. I became so critical of how I looked, how something fit me, from the worst angles, in the weirdest lighting, at the most inopportune time, making the most unflattering faces. Slowly I whittled down what I found to be acceptable to wear and half my wardrobe was hanging there sad and untouched every night. I’m not sure what shifted since then. I guess I’m trying to be more present with how I’m feeling moment to moment, chasing some kind of buzzy, passionate thrill. I’m not looking at the photos, that’s one thing I’ll say, and since I stopped I’ve been pondering why I ever did. Because really, at the end of the day, those photos aren’t for me and they’re not my business. I love that people want to take them. I understand the urge. People want to remember a really great moment they had. That’s how I receive it all, or how I try to. For me, to be grounded in my own experience, I want to wear really fun, crazy clothes I excitedly picked out at the last minute, take a look or two in the mirror and then just go do my thing. I want to inspire and energize myself with my choices. So anyways! I’ve been trying that on for size, pun intended. The fits get a little more experimental as a result. My overall confidence is at a good baseline. My creative joy around getting dressed is restored. All of it balances out.
This morning I started watching a short documentary about Connie Converse. I got sent Sophie Kemp’s review of How Sad, How Lovely over the weekend and reintroduced myself to Connie’s music and story. She’s one of these Hilma af Klint-type figures in my mind. So influential, so mysterious, so many questions that could never possibly be answered that knock around the inside of my brain. It’s a fascinating rabbit hole to go down, both musically and the story of it all. Her songwriting is obviously so skillful and thorough but this sweet, sad solitude radiates off the recordings that’s intuited by all who listen with some sixth sense. I recommend listening, reading, watching, learning about all of it if you’re unfamiliar.
Driving around LA today I had a strange recollection. There are albums I’ve loved in my life that I return to every 5 years or so. My relationship to them changes but it also stays the same. I’m brought back to a certain frame of mind, but that’s always tinted by what’s current, what’s important right now. I remember when I was maybe 14 a girl I didn’t know very well invited me to her birthday party. She can really only be described as the girl in Ghost World who calls the diner *funky*. I didn’t know what to get her as a gift so I went with Either/Or by Elliott Smith on CD which was my favorite album at the time. At the party I realized she’d invited a large portion of the girls in our grade, from all over the map as it pertains to social circles, cliques, popular girls, unpopular girls and girls who sit somewhere in between. I remember how anticlimactic it felt when she opened my gift. I felt confident in it but also loathed the unwanted attention of everyone in the room thinking “what the hell is this weird CD”. I’ve been listening to it a bit today and wondering what she thought about it, if she ever put it on. In some ways that album feels universal but I reckon to some people it would sound really idiosyncratic. Anyways. I think the main takeaway was that I fell in love with that music when I was a literal child and here I am 22 years later still drawing out all this gratification from playing it as I drive around with the windows down. I also just remember the intensity with which I fell hard into obsession when I was young. I wish you could bottle that. So little life experience, so much emotion. Such a small scope, such broad and untarnished enthusiasm.
The last little tidbit I’ll leave you with is that we’ve announced the 4th annual Yeehaw which in case you forgot is the show I put on with my dear friend Caleb Hearon to benefit KC Tenants. This year it’s October 2nd at the Uptown. We have a lot of really exciting things planned for it, not much is announced yet but it’s going to be epic, fun, hilarious and all for a truly powerful and exciting cause. It also happens to be the Thursday before Chappell Roan is in town so hopefully out-of-towners can hit both whilst visiting our gorgeous city! Tickets available here & they won’t last!
Oooh & lastly - my friend Dylan who releases music as Way Dynamic put out what is my favorite song in a VERY long time. It’s called “Miffed It” - go listen. ALSO! I just heard the new Jeff Tweedy song right as I was filing this entry and it brought a tear to my eye. It’s called “Feel Free” - and it makes me want to go write a song!
That’s all I got! I’m off to pick figs and make preserves. Speak soon.
-KC
